Happy 87th Birthday Mom!

What I am learning by teaching is that there are no experts. Whatever "progress" I appear to make is between me and me. Thank God there's no other judge.

All I am looking for here is the appearance of progress. (I say appearance because progress itself is an illusion. How can anything Perfect (That's how God made me. So....) make progress? To what? To where? So all I am looking for here is the appearance of progress (real, illusory, progress). ... and that brings relief... blessed relief ... and I am reset to the North Star.

Think of this, a billion stars facing the North Star. Maybe a billion stars who really want to go home and they all used to live with the North Star....so they first have to face the North Star and then slowly, over eons, travel home.

The closer you are, little Giant star, to the North Star, the more important your alignment is, right?  If you're way off, just turning a little can get you heading toward the big One. Relief.  If you're really close, you need to pay more attention, cause just a degree or two off course and you'll miss it.  (Assuming you can't always shift gears in time to adjust course.) This would be true whether you consider yourself a race car or a tanker.

Okay then.

(By the way: here's a major disclaimer:  This blog?  I tried making it about something other than ME but I've failed. So.  It's about ME....Things I think or feel about NHA, they are just that - my thoughts, my opinions, my stories.....and yes, for me,  the willingness to invite you to read this represents a nurtured heart success story. Mine. )

Why do I love the Nurtured Heart Approach this much?

It simplifies me.  Which is a great relief.

I can pretty much fit anything I need into it, around it, beside it, etc…and no one can object – because this is a blog.

The main thing I'd like my reader to think:  I may be better/worse, less or more crazy, less or more successful...than you or anyone else but NHA cares not a whit. It is only a measure of me to me....this is the gift I get to share with the intense children, intense parents, intense teachers and most of all, my intense selves....and finally anyone else interested in receiving it and giving it back to me.

Idea #1

Why do I love this approach so much lately? It's the election…. I’m happy with the outcome. Mostly because I am a hopeful type and I feel hope right now in our country. There were a lot of people out there who didn’t actually SAY what they were thinking…but they came out and voted anyway. Quiet types, maybe not so happy with the state of affairs in our country…but not blaming one group or one person either… types who don’t have to have it all perfect, who are pleased with “good enough”…types that just want to be headed in the right direction.

Idea #2

To me this is the key. Just a degree or so off is the difference between the Titanic versus the Love Boat.  I don’t mind being in the treacherous waters sometimes, I just don’t want to sink in them. NHA, although it is about igniting the fires of Greatness within (these are my words) ….is also just so pragmatic.  I like to be grounded while on fire.

 It’s about staying focused and clear.  It’s a three-pronged approach. There are the negative and positive poles and then there is that lightning bolt of absolute clarity that rests in-between.... We may never get to touch clarity 100%, but there are moments when it touches us and the negative and the positive swirl as one.

Idea #3

Economics. My bookkeeping soul is very excited about this.

I’ve just learned that two things I love -- the Profit and Loss Statement and the Balance Sheet (invented by Fra Luca de Pacioli, 1447-1517, the Father of Accounting, and as far as I’m concerned up there with Socrates, Plato, and Da Vinci – all people I’ve studied at great length of course) -- have the same logic whether were talking one family, one company, one nation or the world. That’s right people. This is very big.  It's called aggregate- based accounting. And if we can only get people interested in learning accounting, it can save the world!

(But only if God (us) want to.)

(And it’s incredibly similar and applicable to Nurtured Heart Approach.  It may take me years to explain, but I’m feeling thirst for the challenge. I realize very few people have actually read this far, and that’s fine. Really. )

The Long and Short of It:

Today, while I was on the phone talking to another nurtured heart trainer…..my inner guidance system popped off in one of those loud noises I sometimes make.  Here’s what she said after I let out that Tourettes-like scream-shout.

“It’s completely okay Erica. That doesn’t bother me in the least. Your heart is speaking and your brain just hasn’t caught up yet” 

Is that what she said?   Maybe it was this:

“That didn’t bother me a bit Erica. I can tell that as your heart is opening and deepening in your grasp of these profound ideas, your brain is rewiring, so your words are needing to change. You’re in transformation.”

Is that what she said?    I’m not sure. But more shouting followed. And it felt gooood.

Thanks for reading. Really I mean that.

http://www.foxnews.com/health/2012/07/05/tom-cruise-katie-holmes-divorce-psychiatry-vs-scientology/

I was led to the above article while investigating my past. Here's how it started. 

I saw a post with this video on a Facebook site that was devoted to the Nurtured Heart Approach: 

This was made by CCHRINT, an organization founded by the Church of Scientology.  http://www.cchrint.org/psychiatric-disorders/ . I really like this video but now knowing its relationship to Scientology, I 'm not so sure I want to.

Many years ago, my brother Luke came home with L. Ron Hubbard's book and the Scientology bible -- Dyanetics -- I skimmed it...I didn't understand much...though I determined that my brother was weird. I eyed him suspiciously for months.

Fewer years ago, after a ten-year ride with an Indian spiritual cult, I almost attended a 10-day seminar in Florida that pretty much guaranteed enlightenment, especially if you joined their MLM program to move your process along.  The organization, I learned just before purchasing the plane ticket, was led by a former Scientologist. I changed my mind.

The thing is, this inspiring video really could be an effective feel-good commercial for the Nurtured Heart Approach.  But the question I'm waiting for someone to ask me - "So is this NHA thing like Scientology?" - makes me very uneasy. *

Hence, after watching the video I googled and discovered the article above, inspired by the Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes divorce episode. It helped me feel better.  Basically, the Scientologists are not happy with Psychiatrists nor vice versa.... and it all gets down to labeling vs. big pharma vs. thinking about stuff differently.

In my opinion, the writer of the article (at the top of this post) who I found in my "research", puts it in perspective. And if you're interested in Scientology vs. Psychiatry you may like it. 

Still the Question

What about LABELING? Is it, on the whole, more helpful or more harmful to label children with a psychiatric diagnosis, and in cases where medications have proven to be useful, to medicate them?

I am not a medical professional. So my opinion is based purely on my own experiences.

A story

I know a child. It used to scare me a little to have him over. He was so full of intense energy - sort of bouncing of the walls, erratic...but super smart and engaging too.  Once, about age 7, he hit his head on the concrete floor of my back patio. Not exactly on purpose, but purpose full.   I heard the smack. He bounced right up as I came running....knowing that I would be disturbed at the fact that perhaps he was seriously injured...he said "I'm fine, really!”, “I'm really ok!"  We both smiled anxiously.

Last year (he was 10) his mother told me "we decided to go with medication and everyone is sort of breathing a sigh of relief," including him. "I'm more me now, Mom," he told her. Only it's been over a year and when he comes over now, he's too subdued and I'd bet you he's depressed.

So. Labels. He obviously had some symptoms, my young friend...so he got a label and then some medications.

Are his problems solved? I guess we'll see.

I also have received labels.

Lucky for me, I knew enough to use them as a tool to dig out of the hole my thoughts had made. I definitely had symptoms. One doctor ordered Klonzepam and diagnosed me with Tourette’s.  He explained that there was just nothing else closer that fit my symptoms. It's been six years and my Tourettishness has almost completely resolved. Truth be told I kind of miss it.

And then there was a D.O. who decided to practice medicine as a psychiatrist (which he was legally allowed to do) - and who after a tortuous 3-hour interview diagnosed me with Bi-Polar lite. And then prescribed Abilify.

"Do I have to take this or is it just an option for me?" I asked.  "Oh, NO. You must take this." he said. "This disease will get worse if you don't. I would definitely recommend that you take this and that we continue meeting."

After one weekend, this drug had me seriously not liking my children so I brought the samples back to his office so he could properly discard them and I never went back. And he was wrong, because I am much better. As it turns out, I had a serious rough patch that lasted more than a few years. That's my official self-diagnosis.

My Conclusions

Be skeptical of everything, Erica. If you have to judge, let your own experiences do the judging. I love the video and I'm not into Scientology.  (I recognize it as propaganda, but then it's propaganda I like, so.) Frankly, I was relieved, at first, when my doctors labeled me - it legitimized my conditions which were painful and making me crazy. And, I chose not to take the drugs. I was able to use my thoughts very intentionally, take action over time (sometimes agonizingly slow) and to move on. I am very blessed.

I'm a not a medical professional and I put a lot of faith in Science and scientists. Because as much as I do believe in God, I still can't see her.

NHA came along in my life after the fact. (I realize that it's pretty much what I did to dig out of my hole.) It’s a simple (not always easy) approach that has made my life better and easier. It's my experience that I've been doing NHA for a long time and I just hadn't called it that. So, it's a Label and I'm happy to use it today. That's been my experience.






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*(No offense to the Scientologists, it's just that I really think I've been there and done that....I don't  intend to criticize the teachings, which I don't  know much of, but I do have some feelings about the followers and leaders, based on my own experiences.) 

We were playing P.O.I.S.O.N. It's a basketball game with very difficult-to-follow-for-the-adult rules. Me and my two kids (boy 11, girl 13). It went well for a while. We played, we laughed, we goofed, we let my daughter go first and mainly control the action.

Then my son got a "P." That's how the game is played. Eventually someone gets a P.  Then an O, then an I....etc.  P.O.I.S.O.N.

He was not happy. He wanted a slight rule change to benefit him. We were all a little tired. They really wanted to be playing on their electronic devices; I wanted to be working; and the point of playing the game at all was to "earn" more "free" time....  His sister and I were a little mean about it, neither of us wanting to argue with him. We said "Sure, whatever....if you say you don't deserve the P, then don't take the P...and she rolled her eyes and I kind of sighed."

 It wasn't the kind of reassurance he was looking for. But in the moment it was the best I could do, feeling about 13 years old myself after 20 minutes of such fun.

He walked in the house. I was more or less silent, not sure where to go from here, when my daughter said "It think it's funny, I just do. So I don't care one bit if he's upset, cause it I think it's hysterical."

My gut feels punched in now. My head begins to swirl some. How many times have I been exactly here with these two?   What do I do now? Breathe and stay in the moment.

I say ..."That's not nice and I don't want hear that."...it's not preachy, just true. Yet she persists.

So I too, like my son, leave her there, with the basketball...and walk into the house. It wasn't nice either. I just had nothing better. I could have at least said, "I'm going inside now."

Now I'm in the kitchen where Mom is swaying back and forth. She had been outside too, sitting on a bench, enjoying our game of P.O.I.S.O.N. ...she must have come in before the final skirmish. She's getting her lunchtime Port...swaying from all that sunlight in the backyard. "I'm really almost blind now...Help me please dahling...I need my Port...and my eyes haven't adjusted from the sunlight."

Yes, of course, Mom....I'm getting the ice cubes....the glass, the Port...."Hold on and steady yourself."

And I'm simultaneously thinking "I really need to tell these kids they just cain’t act this way, it ain't right. we're a FAMily and this just ain’t raiite. We need to get along."  So I knock on the window that goes out to the porch where my son is and do it in such a way that he knows he needs to come in...and he does.

"We need to go talk to your sister."

I hand Mom her Port. Her balance kicks in...and she goes to her spot by the front door in her red easy chair to "open her appetite."

I don't know what I'm going to say. But my son's willingness to answer my knock has softened me. So by the time we walk to the end of the hallway (he skips), I remember that I can notice all the good that happened instead of the bad.

I was never great at team sports, so that we were playing a group game in the first place, was pretty much a success. That he stormed off, simply tearing up, but not outraged, was also a plus. That she did not react to my commentary about her commentary was great....and that she didn't throw a fit that I rudely left her standing there...bordered on remarkable.

At her bedroom door now...."Hey I need you two to listen to me." a little sharp. My son looks in my eyes, my daughter takes out her earplugs.  "What happened out there...I'm not happy the way it ended, but I am happy we all got to play together...that was fun...I enjoyed it...so thank you...and I know it could have ended a lot worse than that....so thanks for not losing your tempers or having any kind of meltdown....I really appreciate being able to just get back on track. I think we're all growing up."

Then, "Okay so I'm making lunch now if you want it."

And that was it.

More and more, that is it....we just move on...and there's more energy left for good times in general.

Tonight after dinner I made them sit with me while we looked at Google images of the White House, the Congress, and the Supreme Court. I told them about the three branches of the US government (1 in 7 United Statesians don't know what they are....) We looked at Google images of the Ukraine and Laos (their ancestral homes), and Japan and the D.R. (places they want to visit.)

The dishes are in the sink, I have the dogs to walk, my mother still needs her bath. Yeah, I admit I'm a little depressed.  There's this joy I've known that has gone missing. But I know this is temporary. And I can look back our basketball game and be glad that no harm was done. Sometimes that's the best part in a day.