I went to this barbeque with a group of nurtured heart people. Frankly, I was feeling a little funky. I had other things to do. More important, I thought. Like solve the messes I kept getting my selves into with my kids and feeling a little unnerved by the fact that the nurtured heart approach hadn’t solved as much as I had planned.

The problem? Getting my kids to do what I say. The night prior had been a drag on me and them.

But I went anyway.

It was a good group. I admit it. Sometimes it takes me a while to warm up. Everyone was friendly, kind, even interesting. But my slightly sour mood wasn’t over and I was still vaguely stuck in that useless comparison game. She's better than me, I'm better them him, she's worse then him....who am I anyway?  blah blah blah. 

That's the predictable and boring part of the story.

The interesting part is this. After listening to these hopelessly upbeat people talk about freakin' resets, my frustration with never really getting it was mounting. I turned to a colleage (only slightly older but clearly wiser) and said something like – "YEAH, BUT" And then told her how I was doing resets at my house….And how great it was working actually.  :/

What ensued was a gentle and loving “But, that’s not a reset, dear.” 

Exhaling through gritted teeth, I knew she was right.

During our group sharing, I confessed my frustration and resetting ignorance for all to witness (that's typical me).  They understood that what I was calling a reset was more a like re-threat.

Then suddenly, out of nowhere, I felt something pop and I knew I got it. I had never really gotten it in all this time, not in all my GRACIOUS, POWERFUL, PERSISTENT, DIGNIFIED, RELENTLESS and

VERY BRAVE efforts to do this approach. Not until right then.

(A few of these kind people laughed and clapped....)

After the long drive home, the first thing I did was take down the taped notice on the kitchen cupboard that said “New RULE: Sam does what Mom says. If the rule is broken the first time, Sam will lose $4 of allowance. If it’s broken again, Sam loses all allowance for the week. If it’s broken one more time, Sam loses all screen privileges for a day.” (Yeah, I know....I'm shaking my head too....on the bright side...this notice had helped my clarity!)

I took the notice to our back room where Sam had been xboxing many of the last several hours while I was at my barbeque and I told him I needed him to pause the system, which he did immediately. Perhaps he was actually bored, perhaps he was following that latest rule. (I thanked him.)

“You know that meeting I went to today?" I began.  "Well I found out that that rule I posted, remember the one about you having to always listen and do as I say...???"

I waved the paper at him....

"I did it wrong.”

Then Sam replied,

“Yes. you. did.” Smirk.

“So, I’m sorry.” I said.

“Uh huh.” Greater smirking.

“But, I’m so happy, cause I learned what to do now. And the thing is, I'm sure I'll need some help on this. From now one when you break a rule, there’s only one thing I can do if I want to follow this approach. And I want to follow this approach, as you know.  Do you know what that is?”

He raises one eyebrow. He thinks he knows.  “Say stop?”

“Okay, yes I may say that…and I could also say….Re…Re…Re….?” (I know I'm annoying him.)

“Reset?...” 

“Yes!” 

“That’s the nurtured heart thing? I thought you made that up.  Shrug. “Ok. Cool.”

I could see the wheels turning in his head as I walked away before anything might go wrong.


Later that night, with my daughter also at the table, I announced part two of my new reset plan.

"I need to talk about allowance."  Breathing in.

“From now on you have to earn it.” Breathing out.

Ugh….I can feel the phlegm forming in their throats.

Breathing in.  “This week we’re going spend a few minutes each night reflecting on how we contributed in a positive way to our family life that day. You can say whatever you want, or you can just listen to whatever I say. If I forget to do it, you still get your allowance. But if I remember, then all you have to do is listen, and then you get your allowance. Got it?”

Some shrugs and eye rolls, but I don’t care.

And then I said I needed to practice with them a few minutes. So I fumbled through as many posiive recognitions as I could possibly think of for each of them and they listened carefully with their smirks...I kept going no matter how uncomfortable I was or how clunky it all felt.... and then said "...Thank you, you have earned your allowance, you may go…"

I don’t know what I will do the next time my "Reset" is ignored. (It's tricky, but I'm not going to spend time anticipating all the ways this might go wrong.) BUT for one week,  I’m going to do the recognitions at night….Faithfully…(and other times as per my habit is always growing)....And remember to move into my heart first (like a  fellow trainers told me to)….so that I really do mean what I say....All the rest I’m betting is going to fall in to place.

(Preface: This was a good day. I got to share a little Excel spreadsheet with a lovely and interested person which I devised to help myself with business planning. I am noting that I am incredibly fortunate to be my mother's caregiver, which gives me the opportunity to plan a business in the first place. 

And OK, so sometimes my good fortune feels more like a handout.  

And now for added complexity, here is a memory download from 1972 using a French accent: "NO, I don't believe a 12 year-old needs any more than two pairs of shoes" she said when I asked for a little mall money.....)

Business planning is a function of TIME, NEED, RESOUCES, PRODUCT, and VISION.

Erica's rule: There should always be two or three business plans floating around.

1) The Grand Vision Business Plan - This is the one you really want to happen.

2) The Scaled Down Business Plan - This is the one you believe maybe will happen.

3) The Actual Business Plan.

Time: This refers to how much time one actually has or in fact proves she will invest in the plan. If I change nothing, I have 31.8 hours a month (based on the 7-day work week and including insomnia) to invest of focused time. If I add more household employee hours, I can bump that number up. (Household employee? who am I kidding?) Or, if I work hard at it for a couple more years, maybe I can retrain these people to take care of themselves. (Who am I kidding?)

Needs: How much do I need to make? Well, for me right now, I don't need to make much.  But if tomorrow I lose Mom's income, I'm in deep doo doo. So I'm preparing.

Resources: Do I borrow from my retirement? NO! (I always feel a little guilty when I say that, cause I've already spent my retirement --- #1 mistake I tell all my clients about.) (I do have another financial legacy for which I am very grateful and which was the result of an untimely death which was no fault of mine.) I could ask for a loan from Mom? I can talk her into anything. But is that really ethical?  So, regarding resources, I need to do whatever it is I plan on a shoestring.

Product: Now here I'm feeling much much better. I know somethin' about QuickBooks. Seriously I do. And I can hold anybody's hand through a financial statement. And frankly, I'm on a mission. I want to turn everybody on to the importance of understanding financial statements. They’re not that hard. But they are super empowering. And I believe I'm here to do that. Whenever, in the past, people would say "You gotta find your passion, yatta, yatta," I didn't really believe that meant me. But it did. 

AND, the Nurtured Heart Approach® is an amazing tool that's having a huge influence on my mission.

VISION: I need to work on this one. And I am.

I thankfully have gotten over the desire to be rich quick. Or at all. 

I've been "invested" in several multi-level marketing programs in my career history - beginning with Jafra cosmetics, Super Blue-green Algae, Carlton Sheets Real Estate Program, something like Amway but I can't recall the name, Pre-paid Legal Services (great idea for some people I'm sure but then 9/11 happened...), and also Avatar (that was the best of all -- a multi-level marketing enlightenment program.)...

But that's not how I got over the desire to be rich without really knowing what the hell I was doing...I've gotten over it by other means (at least I really hope so). Cause talk about a drag. Sheesh.

MY VISION is to help others and to suffer as least as possible while trying.

Hey, I like that.

(Today, I help Mom, mostly, and I raise my kids which helps them and me and their Dad. Tomorrow, my vision may be helping others...and getting paid well for it...cause Lord knows I done tried and tried to figure out something to give peoples that's worth a dime or two.)

So, I made an Excel spreadsheet and if you want to see it, call me or email me.

It's real simple. It will let you plug in your desired income...then see it miraculously calculate itself to show your needed income by week and month.

AND, you can figure out your various streams of income and attempt to puzzle out how much you need to make by service to come up with your yearly, weekly or monthly income need.

Want it? huh? huh?  It's free. I'd LOVE to send it to you. FOR FREE! Whoever you are, that inlcudes you, you freakin' spammer!

Ok, that's it.  Thanks so much for visiting. :) 


Love, Erica

Writing is EXPOSE-it-tory.  I'm thinking to myself what is it that wants to be exposed really? Who wants to expose it and for what purpose exactly. I will return here when I've answered those questions.

Since my first job as a bookkeeper in college, it bothered me that I didn’t understand how the numbers worked together. I could add up the columns and correct my mistakes, figure out who still owed the company I worked for money and how much, but that was about it.

Fran, the bosses' wife did the rest and very well thank you.

It took her many years to like me and me her. They were both Republicans. She was very tall, very blond and just too persnickety in her bookkeeping abilities for me to respect at age 20. I was a liberal and going places.

Harvey, her husband, he understood me. I would stay late sometimes (15 - 20 minutes after signing out) and we would talk and even argue about the worldly stuff. His attention made struggling with calculator tape worth it. He was one of the very few men I would meet in the places I would eventually go, who had been willing to just talk. 

He had a sister who had two gay sons, one was transgender, they would both be gone within a few more years, casualties of AIDS. That provided a lot of material. And he had a partner whose young son contracted and was healed of Leukemia. I was their tenant also and lived on top of their store with my roommates. I'm not sure if I ever told him the time we were busted by the police and they completely trashed our apartment finding nothing. My boyfriend would spend one solid year in prison for having sold $12 LSD, hence the "raid". Those were the days. If I did tell Fran and Harvey, their judgments didn't show. 

Hi there, you’re new here aren't you?  Came to find out about my professional credentials? Well, this here, it's personal stuff. Probably way to personal. So stop now! Don't go any further. Please. I really do want your business. But.  If you need me to be this super grounded accountant, or a super together parent/teacher Nurtured Heart coach, you may want to keep looking. Not that I don't strive to be grounded or superglued, there are days I do. On the other days, I am finding the journey to be so delicious, so miraculous, so filled with joy, that I don't care (not every second) how I appear to the outside world because what's inside is claiming my attention. I have to cook dinner now. If you want to know more, visit www.rhythmsofacceptance.com for an explanation of my current high....just finished the last class in the 12 week series.... Love, Erica